2015 Lakewood Counseling Symposium

The 2015 Lakewood Counseling Symposium hits a success after the empowering goal-oriented conference held in Colorado. The event was value driven, well-organized, and systematically empowering. The discussion focused on family issues and interventions. Though not all people are happy to hear tons of unresolved marital problems, they are still satisfied and happy to share their experiences and learn from it as well.

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The primary target of the event was to provide awareness to marital consequences, particularly divorce. The conference discussed the adverse impact of the marriage separation not only to the couples but also to their kids as well. Since a lot of people think that the officially authorized separation is already a norm, nobody seemed to realize its effect in children’s overall development. And because divorce becomes widely available in all states across the significant parts of the world, people think of it as a primary option for relationship resolution.

The symposium showcased different possible scenarios of divorce such as cheating, drug and alcohol abuse, violence, unsolicited advice, and a lot more. With the given causes of marriage failure, interventions are also handed out such as therapy and marriage counseling. The symposium didn’t limit its topics there. The conference also manages to incorporate financial discussion for the families’ betterment, societal and community involvement, as well as mental health awareness.

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The danger of not involving children in discussion with regards to divorce is merely torture. Since they are part of the unit, it is their right to speak out and say what they feel. Not all people will agree to this, but kids have the right to be involved in a situation where there’s a lot of pain and heartaches. That’s because it will allow them to gather a more concise realization that the world is not always going to favor them.

Teens Are Super Affected With Their Parent’s Infidelity: Talks Of Wanting To Die, A True Story

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My eldest daughter exploded on me months ago. She said, “I am depressed too, you know. I am having a hard time dealing with all of this, mom. Our house is not a home. This is all bullcrap. I hate this life. I just want to die!”

She is nineteen, and yes, her words are alarming. She could be telling the truth, and do what she says. Or it could be that her hormones are acting up, as the teenager that she is, and her declaration of “wanting to die” is just an imbalance of hormones in her brain. Truthfully, I would go for the imbalance reason. At least, I’ll know that she doesn’t mean it. No matter he stubborn and challenging she is for me to handle, she is my child. She is my firstborn, and I love her with all my heart, mind, and soul.

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Teenagers hate everything, we all know that. I did my research on Google. I was led to a website in South Africa saying that in their country, 1 out of 5 teenagers wishes to die. Teen suicide is outrageously rampant, and it sank my heart too deep. My search stopped there, and I didn’t want to continue. Could it be true that my eldest really wanted to die? If so, what can I do about it?

How It Came About

Okay, let’s start from the beginning. My eldest daughter (I have five kids; four of them are girls and an only boy) discovered that her father was having an affair. She found him, more like, she saw his car parked outside a condominium building when he was supposed to be on travel. Upon seeing her father’s car, my daughter called me up. We met right outside the building, and that’s how we confronted her father.

I thought that everything was just fine with her since she is a headstrong and tough young lady. I didn’t realize that it would hit her hard. She seemed so fine, at first. Well, after two months of bottling it in, she exploded. She lashed out, and she released it on me. I can now attest that having your kids with you when you discover or confront your spouse who is cheating on you, is a big NO.

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My daughter, right now, is trying to cope. She has ways on how to handle her anger issues and depression. I think her therapist helped her with that. After the incident, my best friend who happens to be a child psychologist, professionally recommended that I bring my daughter to a colleague of her. She said that my eldest needs to release her anger safely and talk to a person who is unbiased since I can’t do that. I am so glad that I did what she advised me to do.

She is not exploding anymore, and I noticed that she’d been involved with her varsity team more than ever. My daughter plays Ladies Team Football Varsity in their university, and she’s been happy. I learned that she broke up with her boyfriend, for reasons I don’t know. I hope it’s for the best. I hope that she will be finally good, mentally and emotionally. I don’t want my daughter to belong in the statistics.

Effects Of Stress On Your Overall Well-Being

Occasionally, we experience stress in our lives. It can be because of work, relationships, or even just minor things that bother us throughout the day. Regardless of what the cause may be, these stressors can get too intense if not appropriately managed. At the same time, it can take a toll on our health and overall well-being too.

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As a person with lots of priorities, the last thing you would want is for your health to deteriorate. However, how does stress mainly affect you and your health? Moreover, what can you possibly do to manage your stress?

 

Why Is Stress Bad For You?

Stress is often considered a negative thing, but it can be both good and bad. On the one hand, it can be a good kind of pressure, but on the other side, it can go awry when left unmanaged. So how would you know if that “stress” is already bad for you? 

 

Well, you might feel anxious most of the time, and the occasional “push” that stress gives you turns into a regular one. The thing is, when your body feels stressed, it goes into a “fight or flight” mode. Stress can elevate certain hormones and chemicals in your body, such as adrenaline, cortisol, and norepinephrine. 

 

When these things are released into your body, it can affect how your body usually works, such as shutting down your digestion. Elevated cortisol also poses a risk to your health, as it increases your sugar and blood pressure level. 

 

How To Manage Stress

 

  • Meditation and Calming Exercises

 

Practicing Yoga or doing meditation exercises are not only good for your mind and body, but it is also said to nourish your soul. By keeping in touch with your inner self, you are getting rid of the negative thoughts which have been consuming you for the past weeks.

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At the same time, some poses in yoga can also make you feel calm or empowered, such as the moon pose. According to Savita Joshi, a yoga therapist at Yoga Bharati, this pose improves your blood circulation in the head area and directs your energy towards that region. 

 

 

  • Eating Healthy Food

 

Eating a well-balanced meal can help you get the right energy you need for the whole day. Imagine working an 8-hour shift with only coffee in your stomach; this habit would surely ruin your health. Try to eat green and leafy vegetables together with your choice of protein. Perhaps also cut down on your caffeine intake, as this may increase your acidity level. 

 

  • Cut Down Some Commitments

 

Lastly, accept that you are not superhuman. You can only do so much to the point of breaking down. Instead of adding more commitments, learn to let go of some, especially if they cost you more stress than fulfillment. At the end of the day, it is all about what makes you happy and satisfied.

 

 

  • Get The Right Kind Of Help

 

Whenever you are feeling stressed, it is okay to let someone know. Letting your loved ones know your troubles will help you manage your emotions better and will lead to a healthier conversation about mental health. 

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However, when you are feeling embarrassed to tell your family, you can always seek the help of a professional. At BetterHelp, they offer online counseling services that are guaranteed to keep your situation confidential. At the same time, they provide professional help at the convenience of your own home, so you don’t have to be anxious about being in public. You can check their website and get to know more about their counseling services and free advice on stress.

Control Your Life By Getting Rid Of Anxiety With Calming Yoga

No matter the age – everyone experiences anxiety at some point in their life. It may be because of stressful work, the pressure in studies, or even trying to fit into a new group. Anxiety makes one experience nervousness, fear, apprehension, and extremely worrying. It may also cause insomnia, loss of appetite and lack of interest in sex.

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Many people with anxiety often face social stigma. With their panic attacks and extreme nervousness, people see it as being too “exaggerated,” and “crazy.” But it is worth noting that the constant state of stress caused by anxiety could lead to clinical depression. 

 

Clinical depression should not be taken for granted. It is a serious mental health problem, and it needs to be taken care of. 

 

A Complementary Therapy

For a person with anxiety, it would feel as if there is no control over his or her own mind and body. It would feel heavy, and almost numb. Yoga can be the lifeline of those experiencing anxiety. It could significantly help decrease the panic attacks, and let the person sleep better at night. 

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Also, yoga gives a sense of peace in a turbulent time and soothes the jagged spikes of stress as no simple medication can. It is an excellent complementary therapy suggested by many therapists and doctors. 

 

Can Yoga Reduce The Symptoms Of Anxiety? 

The answer is YES. There is science behind yoga for anxiety. 

 

The mindfulness meditation in yoga could reduce the signs of anxiety. Madhav Goyal, MD, claims how our mind can be carried away “with worrying about things which might happen, and this makes you feel worse and can cause other symptoms, like insomnia.” 

 

His understanding of yoga and meditation was “it teaches people specific skills to help counteract the tendency of anxiety, like staying in the moment, recognizing worried thoughts when they’re happening.” On top of that, preventing anxiety from getting so much worse. 

 

Best Yoga Poses

 

  • Garudasana (Eagle Pose) 

 

While trying it for the first time may seem awkward and weird, this eagle pose really brings out your strength, flexibility, and unwavering concentration. Practicing this balancing pose helps quiet the mind and bring attention to the body. It is suggested to do the eagle pose for 30-60 seconds on each side. 

 

 

  • Salamba Sirsana (Headstand)

 

It may seem complicated, but you can always try it against the wall. Headstand helps ease anxiety by reversing the blood flow and forcing you to keep your breath and body in check. 

 

  • Balasana (Child’s Pose)

This pose doesn’t require too much effort, but it will give the most effective benefits. Sitting on the knees and bending forward with arms by your side is a very comforting and relaxing position. It helps slow the mind and relieve anxiousness. 

 

  • Savasana (Corpse/ Dead Body Pose) 

Start by lying down on your back. Place your arms at your sides, and your palms are facing the sky. Close your eyes. Focus on your breath for one to 5 minutes. It is guaranteed you’ll feel very relaxed after sitting back up. The sense of sinking down into the ground in such a peaceful manner heals.

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Even medical professionals and counselors from Betterhelp are now suggesting yoga as a tool to relieve anxiety and take back control of the mind and body. Yoga can be done anytime, anywhere, and at one’s own pace. There are many group sessions present nowadays, but if the concern is a little more privacy, one can always do yoga in the comfort of their own home.

Divorcing My Husband Of 20 Years – How I Healed And Moved On

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I didn’t know that it would hurt this bad. It was super painful. From a scale of 1-10, my agony over this hell is 100. And it’s just getting stronger.

 

The pain I’m feeling now is like no other ache in this world. I know a lot of physical pain because I’m a mom. My body has endured five births for the last twenty years. Giving birth is nothing compared to this. I’ve tried surgery too, and post-op was excruciating. I would rather experience ten post-ops than go through this again. Heartbreak – it’s a pain like nothing else.

 

Facing The Reality

 

I’m not a romantic. People call me a realist even, but when I saw my husband hand-in-hand with a young blonde who is 15 years my junior, my breathing stopped. It’s like as if no air went inside my nostrils. Air didn’t reach my lungs. I just stood there, not knowing what to do, as my world turned to a halt. Everything was in slow motion as I was staring at them, giving each other kisses and loving hugs.

 

My friends told me about my husband seeing a 20-something bimbo. I didn’t believe them, and now, I saw it for myself.

 

Sigh, okay. The woman is not a slut. I’m just too hurt that’s why I called her a bimbo, and I wanted to put her down. That woman is sleeping with my husband, the father of my five children, and the person I was supposed to stay married to until the end of time for me. Knowing now that he has betrayed me, I may be facing divorce.

 

Why Did He Have To Lie?

 

If he didn’t love me anymore and wanted other women, why did he have to lie to me? This thought has been going on and on inside my head. It would have been better if he was upfront and told me to my face – Hey, Betsy. You’re old, and I’m sick of you. I want to bang other women and dang – did I say you’re old?

 

And I can even manage to make fun of myself. How funny indeed!

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The Revelation

 

I made it a night to remember for us. After I discovered his infidelity, I planned the perfect revelation moment. I was going to blow up on his face, and I’d like to see how he’d respond.

 

It was a make or break kind of scenario, but what have I got to lose? There are only two things that can come out of this – he leaves me and will be with her, or he dumps her and will be with me. I don’t like both outcomes, honestly. But I’m dramatic for a realist. This thing had to be done.

 

When he came home that same week on a Saturday, probably after being with her, dinner was waiting for him. I prepared his favorite which was Paella Negra and bought white Gewürztraminer wine. This night was a celebration – ending the lies in our marriage is worth celebrating, right? The table was set, and I used my mother’s china and silverware. I was also wearing high heels and a white A-line silhouette dress with Ruby Woo lipstick. For a 45-year-old woman, I sure looked beautiful and elegant.

 

He noticed the glow immediately and may have complimented me. What he said, I didn’t hear. Everything in the small chit-chat before the revelation was a blur to me. I just put on a sheepish smile, and he observed that too.

 

“What’s with the weird smile, baby?” He said.

 

“Was my smile weird?” I asked him.

 

“Yeah, what’s up?” He replied.

 

“Oh, nothing.” I said. “Oh yeah, it’s something. I almost forgot. I saw you last Tuesday at Green Garden Hotel.” He tensed up when I said that. “She’s young and pretty, too.” My voice was cold as ice.

 

“What are you talking about, babe?”He nervously asked me.

 

“Baby, there’s no need for you to deny or to hide the truth. And it’s okay. Truly. I’ve accepted the fact that my husband of 20 years and the father of my children is screwing another woman. Your pictures are here on my phone, checking in that slimy hotel as Mr. and Mrs. Scott. Is she Mrs. Scott now? That was fast, huh?” I was surprised at how strong it came out.

 

I stood up and started clearing the table. My husband was still sitting down, and his face was in shock.

 

“It’s not what it looks like;” my husband attempted to say. I cut him off before he can tell me more lies.

 

“Ricky, that’s enough. I’m angry, but I’m not exploding in front of you. The kids are asleep upstairs, and I don’t want them to wake up and see us arguing. There are only two things I want to say to you. One, you should have told me that you didn’t want to be with me anymore. It didn’t have to end this way. We could have parted ways amicably. But with what you did now, everything will be different. The last thing that I wanted to say – I’m filing for a divorce. And I want everything.” I walked out the door after that last sentence.

 

I left him that night and slept in a hotel. My tears were buckets, and I cried all night until the next morning. It was real. We were divorcing, and nothing is going to stop it now.

 

After The Reality Of Divorce

 

The pain eventually subsided, and my life went on. I got the kids and half our estate. There was also monthly support from him, and it was fun at first to see him squirm.

 

He wanted to get back together, but why would I? I may have healed from his betrayal, and in a way, I have forgiven him for what he did tome and our marriage. That doesn’t mean I have to come back to scraps and hand-me-downs. I may be old, but I have standards.

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Moving On

 

I’m just trying to live my life now, and that means taking care of the kids, yoga every day after work, seeing my therapist every weekend, and dating this 50-year-old hunk who adores my children and me. Since my ex-husband, I have learned that I should never settle for second-best. I should always be a priority and I deserve the best.

No matter how painful it was, I healed. I recovered, and I moved on with my life. It was never easy, but I did it.

Top 10 Web Forums For Relationship Counseling, Advice And Support (Part 2)

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As said in the previous post, this is part two of the Top 10 web forums for relationship counseling, advice, and support. A long post will bore readers, and that’s why this article was divided into two. 

 

Anyway, it’s better to discuss fewer things in one go so that the reader will absorb all of it. This blog is about relationship help and blowing too much information at one time will confuse the person reading it. With this, the discussion continues as people need all the help they can get when it comes to their love life.

 

Marriage Builders Discussion Forums

 

The Marriage Builder Discussion Forums is composed of an active community. People come and go to seek marriage-related support, tips, advice, answers, and encouragement. It also helps couples even to strengthen and rekindle their love for each other and find ways on how to bond together as a family as well.

 

There is also a question and answer column in this forum. Dr. Harley, the creator of Marriage Builders and a well-renowned author, compiled a list of topics that patients of his asked advice on over the years. It is a very worthy read, and if you have queries that are a bit sensitive, you can scroll down on this column. 

 

Marriage Helper Forums

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Joe Beam and his team’s work, the Marriage Helper, has been assisting people on their marriages since 2011. To do this, they are using trends in relationships to make marriages work and for couples to stay together using new and innovative techniques. Issues such as sex, intimacy, resentment, affairs, and economic problems are also being tackled in the forum.

 

MedHelp Communities

 

The forums at MedHelp provides relationship and family counseling. To even help people more efficiently, separate forums for the community-based answers and professional advice are put up.

 

If you notice on the site, the top forum is about diabetes. If you or your partner are suffering from this disease, it can be a helpful community. Everything is practically on this site, and they have all kinds of sources when it comes to physical and mental health. As for relationship issues, it would be best to go to their Mental Health – Relationships community forum.

 

Talk About Marriage

 

This forum talks about a marriage or a relationship from different standpoints in life to even better understand how things work. They also provide several tips for couples to stay together amidst problems and for families to have a more loving relationship.

 

You Are Not Alone

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Having issues and problems in life makes you seem that no one is with you. But with You Are Not Alone, you are indeed not alone as forum members of this community are there to support you. Hold on and never give up on your life and your loved one – that is if there’s still love in your heart.

 

Including the first post, these are just ten of the best places to seek advice and answers when facing some family or relationship issues. Don’t hesitate to join these forums. If you want, post your problems anonymously, and answers will show up in no time. Other messages of support will also come your way.

 

Top 10 Web Forums For Relationship Counseling, Advice And Support (Part 1)

The quote goes like this: “It takes a community to nurture a child.” Communities are necessary primarily if they are supporting people who are in the midst of separation, having troubles with parenting, undergoing relationship issues, suffering from depression, facing a crisis and more. These said communities have good people in them who help others cope, move on and surpass the trials in their lives.

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With that, one can always turn to online communities who assist. These ten forums over the internet are available for you to open up your problems. It is also a way for you to let other people lessen your burden, those who know what you are going through right now. Expect some counseling, support, and advice. 

 

These forums are also highly moderated by professional counselors and other community members as well, so don’t be afraid. Also, it’s essential to discuss these forums in detail and without rush. With that, there will be a part two, meaning this blog will only present five of the ten sites while a second part blog will complete the series. 

 

Read on, learn more, and hopefully your relationship problems will be solved by these online tools. 

 

About: Marriage Forum

 

About Marriage Forum is indeed a haven for couples who are experiencing some challenges in their lives. It was created by Bob and Sheri Stritof of About.com, and the community also moderates the forum. Aside from this, Marriage Forum also provides money saving tips, freebies, and deals, recipes, gardening tips, do it yourself projects, homesteading, entrepreneurship and holiday planning discussions. 

 

If you have a concern with your partner or spouse and you don’t know how to talk to him or her about it, go to About’s Marriage Forum.

 

EHealth: Relationships and Marriage Forum

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eHealth Relationships and Marriage Forum is a group tackling issues about the emotional, mental and physical connection among couples. They aim to preserve and improve lives by delivering valuable information and discussions about health through the internet.

 

Experts in eHealth understand that couples or one of the partners in a relationship may have mental health problems. Issues like depression, bipolar disorder, adult ADHD and ASD, OCD, DID, and similar concerns may plague a relationship. The forums in eHealth would like to assist in that matter and help you become a well-rounded partner to your loved one. 

 

The Law: Family, Marriage, And Divorce Forum

 

This forum provides family, marriage and divorce tips and advice from a legal standpoint. Issues about family matters, premarital issues, engagement, marriage, divorce, name changes, annulment, child support, alimony, adultery, domestic violence, child neglect and many more are being tackled in this forum.

 

ExpertLaw: Divorce And Family Law Group

 

ExpertLaw’s Family and Divorce Forum talks about the laws regarding family and marital relationships. It will help you gear up for what can happen especially in the courts. If you are on the brink of separating or divorcing your spouse, this may be a helpful place for you. 

 

LoveShack

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LoveShack features a community that provides profound dating advice, tips, articles and discussions that are worth considering. It aims to help you improve and understand everything that is going on with your relationships and other issues regarding social interaction. If the love is new, go to LoveShack for some honest love advice.

 

As mentioned earlier, there are only five forums in this article. The next five will be discussed in a part two blog. 

 

Every adult on this planet is experiencing a relationship concern. It’s not just you, which means you are not alone in this burden. Reach out and talk to others. It will help ease the pain and provide insight on what you need to do.

Is Love Enough?

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I used to think that love was enough. Two decades through this roller coaster journey called marriage, I have realized something. Love may be unconditional for some, but come on. Can you still love a person who keeps on cheating on you, lies to you every chance he gets and will keep you high and dry when worse comes to worst?

 

Unconditional Love Or Stupidity?

 

For real, I think it’s stupidity to keep on hoping that he will change. The truth is, I believe that will never happen. It’s been 20 long and painful years. If he didn’t turn on the first year, then why change now, right? Also, if there is “unconditional love,” how come the father of my children didn’t get the memo?

 

I’m sarcastic, I know. With what happened to my life, you’d be sassy too. He played with fire a lot of times and even got one of his mistresses pregnant, twelve years ago. After a few months, he got me pregnant too. Wow, I know. He’s such a class act.

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Don’t Say Bad Things About Him To The Kids

 

But he’s the father of my children, and while he’s a terrible husband, he’s the best father and a good provider. He provided for all of us, and we live a comfortable life. We have a roof over our heads. There’s food on the table, three times a day. We have emergency funds, and kids go to private schools. We are not moneyed, but we have enough. But then again, should I bow my head? Must I be satisfied with him taking care of the money part only, and let him step on my heart for many times?

 

Comments And Suggestions By Family And Friends

 

My siblings told me to leave him. They’re both independent women who divorced their husbands. It’s easy for them because they’re childless. The situation is difficult to handle when kids are involved.

 

I was shocked with what my gramps had to say – Your husband got tired of your womanhood. Say what? What did he mean by that? My “womanhood?” So, I’m not good in bed? Seriously? That created a deep sting, but he may be right. If my husband was satisfied with my performance, why would he look for waitresses, secretaries, nannies, cashiers, and the likes for fun? Did I lose my groove?

 

As for my girls, they are beyond pissed. One of them saw my husband in a hotel about to check in with a cheapo, and did she confront him! Pulled the extensions off his side bet. Thank God for loyal and faithful friends. They want me to sue him and get everything.

 

Of course, they are all angry. These people are my loved ones and they are worried about me. I can’t blame them. It is one of the reasons why I don’t tell them about things that happen to me because they will inevitably get in the way. But right now, I just can’t. I am too weak, and I need help.

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So What Do I Do Now?

 

I’m too broken right now, honestly. I don’t know what to do and how to go about this. What I do know is that I have to lift myself up. And so with that, I asked assistance from a relationship counselor. Yes, it’s just me. My husband doesn’t know I’m consulting a counselor. I want to heal, and when I’m relieved of all the pain, I think I will be able to decide on what to do with my life by then. 

 

Is love enough? If I’m talking about myself, healing myself and repairing the mental anguish, I say yes, love for myself is enough. It will always be enough.

When To Seek For Marriage Counseling

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Most dreams and hopes for relationships go like this: 

 

Step one, meet “The One.” 

Step two, fall in love deeply

Step three, get married

And, lastly, live happily ever after.

 

However, that is almost never the case. Sometimes, marriage may feel like a chokehold instead of a warm embrace. Diving into marriage is, without a doubt, a lot of work. The relationship has gotten more profound, and there is a more significant responsibility of keeping the foundation of trust and respect between the couple intact and well.

 

But with or without trust and respect, facing troubles and hurdles is inevitable in marriage. Anything, even the most minuscule matter, can tick your partner off or lead to broader issues. The union and stability the couple once had can be threatened by stress or tension. That’s where the need to save the marriage kicks in.

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Do We Need Marriage Counseling?

 

How do you know if you and your partner need marriage counseling? The following signs and behaviors are essential in figuring out whether or not you might need professional help:

 

Talking To Walls

 

Most problems in relationships often spring up because of lack of communication (whether it’s one-sided or caused by both parties). Counseling and therapy can provide alternatives or measures to improve deteriorating communication between couples. It won’t feel like you’re talking to walls anymore.

 

Arguments here, and discussions there. Do you argue over everything? Arguing even over the smallest things can escalate and overpower logical thinking. Sometimes it’s not also the matter you’re discussing together. The tone of one’s voice can easily irritate the other party, which may lead to emotional and verbal abuse. It’s always best to watch what you’re saying, especially how you say it.

 

Afraid Of Communication 

 

The relationship may break down if there is the fear of bringing up issues. This clouds how the partners see each other and what they genuinely want to discuss. A therapist can help you clear out this judgment, allowing the couple to be open about each other’s issues and difficulties.

 

Keeping Secrets

 

It is true that both partners have a right to privacy, but keeping secrets from each other, especially thoughts on the relationship, can be mentally taxing.

 

You’re The Bad Guy 

 

Something isn’t right when you see your partner as the “villain” or the “antagonist.” The couple shouldn’t be against each other. Instead, they need to work as a team. Counseling can help you and your partner sort out your feelings about each other.

 

Having Or Considering An Affair

 

It takes a lot of patience and hard work to recover if your significant other has had an affair. Although it’s not impossible, it’s difficult to forgive and move on entirely. Counseling sessions can help the couple to be honest and decide how to fix the marriage, especially when you feel like you desire “someone” else.

 

Living And Staying Together Is A Chore 

 

There is a need for marriage counseling when the couple feels like they’re only there to “just occupy the same space.” The lack of communication and intimacy can be very detrimental to the relationship.

 

Too Different 

 

If you feel like everything you believe in is entirely against the beliefs of your partner, then there is a need to seek for professionals. Sometimes, it’s only difficult for the couple to resolve their differences because even if they know what’s wrong, they don’t know how to deal with it.

 

Staying Together Only For The Children 

 

Children are very intuitive and observant. They can tell whether or not their parents are happy. With that said, children shouldn’t be the deciding factor in keeping a marriage. Counseling and therapy can help in achieving a more comfortable and healthier relationship, and improve the overall mood of the family.

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Some couples have separated because they waited too long to seek professional help or an objective third party. It is essential to keep an honest mind and be open to many suggestions and considerations of saving a marriage.

Are You Enabling A Gambling Addict? You Need Therapy If You’re Doing That!

When Your Child Sees The Bad And You Don’t

 

He’s at it again, “borrowing” some money from my mom so that he can go out and play the slots. I have told my mom so many times that dad is a compulsive gambler. Personally, I believe that he is a gambling addict, but my mom refuses to acknowledge that fact. She says – Your dad is having a tough time right now with his injury and early retirement. We need to help him. 

 

My Dad Is A Gambling Addict

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It’s a ton of crap. Seriously? Early retirement? That is just a lie. He was fired from his job, not only because of his injury. It was something more. My dad was a cash custodian in their family business, and for years, he “borrows” money from their petty cash. He returns them, though, but he got caught. His brother can’t disgrace him, and so he was given the “early retirement” option with a monthly allowance until he is 70 years old. Good thing my uncle did that because he knew of my dad’s gambling issues. If he gave the whole retirement pay upfront, we’d be homeless since dad won’t pay the mortgage and spend it all in the casino.

 

Mom Was Enabling My Dad

 

Something is wrong with my mom too. I spoke with a counselor in school who also happens to be my best friend’s sister. Good thing I was comfortable with opening up my problems with her. It’s like having a shrink session once a month, but I know I needed more. I told her about the issues at home, and I learned that my dad was a gambling addict and my mom was unconsciously enabling him. She said that the term “enabling” comes from drug addiction therapy programs when addicts and their families are in group counseling to curb the behavior and to heal. I would like for that to happen to us because I hate what my dad has become and how stupid my mom looks.

 

Is It Support Or Not?

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Mom says that she is just supporting dad until he gets back on his feet. He’s been jobless for three years and continues to splash around money every allowance day until he gets dry which is usually five to seven days max. While he technically pays for the house we live in each month (my uncle made sure that a part of his allowance goes to house payments), the rest of it he uses to power his addiction. Selfish, right? 

 

Is this the support that my mom is saying? She is paying for everything else – cars, food, utilities and emergency expenses. Is this how “husband and wife life” is supposed to be? Is my mom obligated to do this? No, mom. You’re not supposed to be doing all these things. 

 

Tough Love, Commitment, And Responsibility

 

Since I’m 18 and about to graduate high school, I told my mom that I’m moving out. I said that I wanted to meet with her once a week with a family counselor and talk about our issues. She was hesitant at first but then agreed. It was hard for me, but I had to be tough. I wanted her to be tough as well for her sake and for my dad to grow up. 

 

My grandparents were kind enough to help me out and gave me a sweet deal. They said that I’m free to use their 2-bedroom apartment free for a year, but after that, I have to pay rent. But they added that I have to find a full-time job (my uncle offered me an entry-level position at the family business), or I continue with a college degree coupled with part-time work. 

 

Gramps said “I married your Grammy and we had nothing. We worked and went to school. It was a challenge, but we made it through. You will too.” I consider myself lucky. Good thing Gramps is smart and kind-hearted. If only my dad were like him – no addictions, aspiring for dreams and a family first kind-of-man. But he’s not. I guess genes has nothing to do with it. People can have the same blood flowing through their veins, but they can be extreme when it comes to personality, attitude, behavior, and all. 

 

Is There Hope?

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Will it change? I hope my little act of “defiance” on my mom will make her realize that she must not enable dad. If I help her with therapy, and she understands why, then my dad may have a chance. Hopefully, family counseling can shed light for us all.