I used to think that love was enough. Two decades through this roller coaster journey called marriage, I have realized something. Love may be unconditional for some, but come on. Can you still love a person who keeps on cheating on you, lies to you every chance he gets and will keep you high and dry when worse comes to worst?
Unconditional Love Or Stupidity?
For real, I think it’s stupidity to keep on hoping that he will change. The truth is, I believe that will never happen. It’s been 20 long and painful years. If he didn’t turn on the first year, then why change now, right? Also, if there is “unconditional love,” how come the father of my children didn’t get the memo?
I’m sarcastic, I know. With what happened to my life, you’d be sassy too. He played with fire a lot of times and even got one of his mistresses pregnant, twelve years ago. After a few months, he got me pregnant too. Wow, I know. He’s such a class act.
Don’t Say Bad Things About Him To The Kids
But he’s the father of my children, and while he’s a terrible husband, he’s the best father and a good provider. He provided for all of us, and we live a comfortable life. We have a roof over our heads. There’s food on the table, three times a day. We have emergency funds, and kids go to private schools. We are not moneyed, but we have enough. But then again, should I bow my head? Must I be satisfied with him taking care of the money part only, and let him step on my heart for many times?
Comments And Suggestions By Family And Friends
My siblings told me to leave him. They’re both independent women who divorced their husbands. It’s easy for them because they’re childless. The situation is difficult to handle when kids are involved.
I was shocked with what my gramps had to say – Your husband got tired of your womanhood. Say what? What did he mean by that? My “womanhood?” So, I’m not good in bed? Seriously? That created a deep sting, but he may be right. If my husband was satisfied with my performance, why would he look for waitresses, secretaries, nannies, cashiers, and the likes for fun? Did I lose my groove?
As for my girls, they are beyond pissed. One of them saw my husband in a hotel about to check in with a cheapo, and did she confront him! Pulled the extensions off his side bet. Thank God for loyal and faithful friends. They want me to sue him and get everything.
Of course, they are all angry. These people are my loved ones and they are worried about me. I can’t blame them. It is one of the reasons why I don’t tell them about things that happen to me because they will inevitably get in the way. But right now, I just can’t. I am too weak, and I need help.
So What Do I Do Now?
I’m too broken right now, honestly. I don’t know what to do and how to go about this. What I do know is that I have to lift myself up. And so with that, I asked assistance from a relationship counselor. Yes, it’s just me. My husband doesn’t know I’m consulting a counselor. I want to heal, and when I’m relieved of all the pain, I think I will be able to decide on what to do with my life by then.
Is love enough? If I’m talking about myself, healing myself and repairing the mental anguish, I say yes, love for myself is enough. It will always be enough.