I didn’t know that it would hurt this bad. It was super painful. From a scale of 1-10, my agony over this hell is 100. And it’s just getting stronger.
The pain I’m feeling now is like no other ache in this world. I know a lot of physical pain because I’m a mom. My body has endured five births for the last twenty years. Giving birth is nothing compared to this. I’ve tried surgery too, and post-op was excruciating. I would rather experience ten post-ops than go through this again. Heartbreak – it’s a pain like nothing else.
Facing The Reality
I’m not a romantic. People call me a realist even, but when I saw my husband hand-in-hand with a young blonde who is 15 years my junior, my breathing stopped. It’s like as if no air went inside my nostrils. Air didn’t reach my lungs. I just stood there, not knowing what to do, as my world turned to a halt. Everything was in slow motion as I was staring at them, giving each other kisses and loving hugs.
My friends told me about my husband seeing a 20-something bimbo. I didn’t believe them, and now, I saw it for myself.
Sigh, okay. The woman is not a slut. I’m just too hurt that’s why I called her a bimbo, and I wanted to put her down. That woman is sleeping with my husband, the father of my five children, and the person I was supposed to stay married to until the end of time for me. Knowing now that he has betrayed me, I may be facing divorce.
Why Did He Have To Lie?
If he didn’t love me anymore and wanted other women, why did he have to lie to me? This thought has been going on and on inside my head. It would have been better if he was upfront and told me to my face – Hey, Betsy. You’re old, and I’m sick of you. I want to bang other women and dang – did I say you’re old?
And I can even manage to make fun of myself. How funny indeed!
I made it a night to remember for us. After I discovered his infidelity, I planned the perfect revelation moment. I was going to blow up on his face, and I’d like to see how he’d respond.
It was a make or break kind of scenario, but what have I got to lose? There are only two things that can come out of this – he leaves me and will be with her, or he dumps her and will be with me. I don’t like both outcomes, honestly. But I’m dramatic for a realist. This thing had to be done.
When he came home that same week on a Saturday, probably after being with her, dinner was waiting for him. I prepared his favorite which was Paella Negra and bought white Gewürztraminer wine. This night was a celebration – ending the lies in our marriage is worth celebrating, right? The table was set, and I used my mother’s china and silverware. I was also wearing high heels and a white A-line silhouette dress with Ruby Woo lipstick. For a 45-year-old woman, I sure looked beautiful and elegant.
He noticed the glow immediately and may have complimented me. What he said, I didn’t hear. Everything in the small chit-chat before the revelation was a blur to me. I just put on a sheepish smile, and he observed that too.
“What’s with the weird smile, baby?” He said.
“Was my smile weird?” I asked him.
“Yeah, what’s up?” He replied.
“Oh, nothing.” I said. “Oh yeah, it’s something. I almost forgot. I saw you last Tuesday at Green Garden Hotel.” He tensed up when I said that. “She’s young and pretty, too.” My voice was cold as ice.
“What are you talking about, babe?”He nervously asked me.
“Baby, there’s no need for you to deny or to hide the truth. And it’s okay. Truly. I’ve accepted the fact that my husband of 20 years and the father of my children is screwing another woman. Your pictures are here on my phone, checking in that slimy hotel as Mr. and Mrs. Scott. Is she Mrs. Scott now? That was fast, huh?” I was surprised at how strong it came out.
I stood up and started clearing the table. My husband was still sitting down, and his face was in shock.
“It’s not what it looks like;” my husband attempted to say. I cut him off before he can tell me more lies.
“Ricky, that’s enough. I’m angry, but I’m not exploding in front of you. The kids are asleep upstairs, and I don’t want them to wake up and see us arguing. There are only two things I want to say to you. One, you should have told me that you didn’t want to be with me anymore. It didn’t have to end this way. We could have parted ways amicably. But with what you did now, everything will be different. The last thing that I wanted to say – I’m filing for a divorce. And I want everything.” I walked out the door after that last sentence.
I left him that night and slept in a hotel. My tears were buckets, and I cried all night until the next morning. It was real. We were divorcing, and nothing is going to stop it now.
After The Reality Of Divorce
The pain eventually subsided, and my life went on. I got the kids and half our estate. There was also monthly support from him, and it was fun at first to see him squirm.
He wanted to get back together, but why would I? I may have healed from his betrayal, and in a way, I have forgiven him for what he did tome and our marriage. That doesn’t mean I have to come back to scraps and hand-me-downs. I may be old, but I have standards.
I’m just trying to live my life now, and that means taking care of the kids, yoga every day after work, seeing my therapist every weekend, and dating this 50-year-old hunk who adores my children and me. Since my ex-husband, I have learned that I should never settle for second-best. I should always be a priority and I deserve the best.
No matter how painful it was, I healed. I recovered, and I moved on with my life. It was never easy, but I did it.